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Jun
10

Limbo

Today has been an odd day.  Between my head being clogged and trying to juggle work, I just feet untethered to anything.  Waiting for things I can’t control. Waiting to feel better.  Waiting for the next wave. Waiting for answers. Waiting for information. Waiting for others. So I’m stuck in limbo right now.  I can’t move forward, yet I’m not allowed to stop.  Add in the head cold...
Jun
9

Breathe

One of the many facets of grief can be our body gets run down and making it more susceptible to illness.  Which, unfortunately, I seem to be a text book case with a summer cold that has settled in my lungs. I’ve been having problems sleeping anyhow, but now I wake up struggling to breathe, then lay there wide awake trying to slow down the pounding of my heart.  The biggest problem is physical...
Jun
8

Little Things

I hate grocery shopping.  It was something he enjoyed, never knew why, but he’d run to the store for anything.  If I wanted chocolate at ten at night, he’d get up and run to get me some.  Granted I usually said no, but he’d still go.  Now I walk those blasted aisles and keep turning to ask if he wants x or y.  And he’s not there. Garage saling was something we did on weekends. it...
Jun
7

Invisibility

As much as I know spending the first month after my husband was killed curled up in a little ball at home would have been good for me, reality doesn’t work that way.  Utilities, banks, car payments, none of them care that your world has been smashed into little pieces.  Which means you go back to work. So I went back, before I ready, but I’m a big girl, I could handle it.  And I did. ...
Jun
6

Waves

One of the things you learn going through this process is certain cliches, are cliches for a reason.  Because they are true. Imagine you are wading in the ocean, but at the moment the water is up to your neck.  You are walking and okay, though all that water around you is adding pressure and strain, but you’re okay.  Then a wave hits, small, large, it doesn’t matter as any wave at this point...

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