All of us have routines, the things we do every day, that keep our lives flowing.

Mine are shattered right now, and I’m really struggling to create new ones.

Before Death – get up when alarm went off, get lunch and make coffee, kiss him good bye before I left, knowing he’d deal with anything I missed.

After death – get up and sit there for a minute, listening for him.  Make coffee, and walk out the door feeling empty

I keep reaching for my phone to tell him something, or see something he’d like, and now it derails me every time.

I’m a finalist in some pretty prestigious writing award, and I can’t even tell him.

I want my routines back, I want the text from him saying “wub” and I want to kiss someone good bye in the morning.

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