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Jul
15

Brain Cells Not Active

So I’ve really been struggling to finish my work in progress (WIP) and it has been frustrating me as I only have about three thousands words to finish it, then I could post the entire series of three. Yesterday afternoon it dawned on me why I’m fighting so hard to write this last scene, it is a sex scene, a romance, their happy ever after.  And mine is gone. The light bulb clicked, and I was...
Jul
14

Routines

All of us have routines, the things we do every day, that keep our lives flowing. Mine are shattered right now, and I’m really struggling to create new ones. Before Death – get up when alarm went off, get lunch and make coffee, kiss him good bye before I left, knowing he’d deal with anything I missed. After death – get up and sit there for a minute, listening for him.  Make coffee,...
Jun
14

Other People’s Problems

My friends and I have been referring to it as the “widow” card.  Something that trumps others and makes it so you get extra consideration, understanding, hugs, etc.  But, these are just my problems.  Other people still have issues too that are just as all consuming to them as my grief is to me. I had lunch with a friend and listened to what was going on in his life.  And it was a lot.  all...
Jun
12

Sunday With Friends

In some ways I’ve been very lucky on this journey.  I have friends who care, my bills are paid, and my juob is understanding.  I’d still much rather have him, but we don’t always get what we want in life. Today I went and had brunch at the Four Seasons with some writer friends, and it was wonderful.  I had kept in contact with the Chef and he had a special chocolate dessert delivered to...
Jun
11

Hotlanta

It is Saturday.  I’ve managed to write a grand total of 645 words so far today.  I need to write more. Just, energy, motivation all lacking.  I kinda want to just drink until I can’t feel, but I already know that doesn’t work so sticking to water.  Mostly I want my head cold to go away.  Exciting, not. Really today is just me staring at the walls and very carefully not thinking. ...
Jun
10

Limbo

Today has been an odd day.  Between my head being clogged and trying to juggle work, I just feet untethered to anything.  Waiting for things I can’t control. Waiting to feel better.  Waiting for the next wave. Waiting for answers. Waiting for information. Waiting for others. So I’m stuck in limbo right now.  I can’t move forward, yet I’m not allowed to stop.  Add in the head cold...
Jun
9

Breathe

One of the many facets of grief can be our body gets run down and making it more susceptible to illness.  Which, unfortunately, I seem to be a text book case with a summer cold that has settled in my lungs. I’ve been having problems sleeping anyhow, but now I wake up struggling to breathe, then lay there wide awake trying to slow down the pounding of my heart.  The biggest problem is physical...

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